The Starlet
Eat the Young
Sweet on the tongue, the public underneath. Seared meatball, honey-smoked fat, charred stone fruit.
🎃 Halloween Night · Mabuhay Gardens (the Fab Mab) · North Beach, SF
In 1729, Jonathan Swift advised the rich to eat the children of the poor — "dressed hot from the knife, as we do roasting pigs." It was satire: a savage joke about who really devours whom. Three centuries later, we set his table. A clinical-carnival host — the Tissue Curator — serves four cuts of fame across one long communal slab, then drops the mask. The title is the thesis: long pig is the old word for human flesh… and here it is, gloriously, pig.
Four cuts of fame. Read them like a ransom note. Eat them like a fan.
Eat the Young
Sweet on the tongue, the public underneath. Seared meatball, honey-smoked fat, charred stone fruit.
Eat the Rich
Cured, aged, insufferable, premium. Salami, fermented mustard, gold leaf — he'd insist on it.
Too Fast, Too Loud
Burnt at the edges from being on too long. Charred lardo, burnt brioche, a scrape of ash.
What's Left
The only honest course. Fat-washed caramel custard, sea salt, sour cherry, a whisper of smoke.
There was never any human in it.
In 1973, Charlton Heston screamed the most famous warning in horror — "Soylent Green is people!" We're here to scream the opposite. Every course tonight is Mission Barns cultivated pork — real meat grown from cells. No animal raised. None killed. Nothing bled for it.
You came for cannibals and ate the most ethical meat in San Francisco — because the horror story tasted better than the good news. That's the real fright: the kind thing was wearing the monster's mask the whole time. That's the trick celebrity runs on you. That's the trick meat runs on you. We just put both on a fork.
"When the people shall have nothing more to eat, they will eat the rich" — pinned on Rousseau, though he never wrote it. The line haunted the French Revolution and it haunts Parasite, The Menu, every dinner where privilege becomes the monster. The Fab Mab screamed it from this very stage in the '70s — Dead Kennedys, the Avengers, Crime, Flipper, under ringmaster Dirk Dirksen, who called the crowd animals to their faces. On Halloween, we make it dinner.